Doldrums

Return to Normalcy

Woke up to a pot of water with some coffee added into it. And it wasn’t even warm. Maybe room temperature, but when the room feels about sixty degrees, you know it ain’t worth drinking. I tried anyway. Failure. I wound up pouring down the sink and eating the slice of pumpkin pie – a failure’s breakfast – without any.

After working two weeks with a strange schedule, I’m finally back to working six-hour days again. That is until the holidays roll around and I’m stuck making up eighteen hours again. Big whoop there. Trust me, it may be better than having no job, but part-time work is for suckers.

I just saw a guy wearing pj bottoms asking for help in reference. Assistance for what? What pants look like? This ain’t no college dorm, sucka. Get some pants on your ass.

Why is it acceptable to wear pjs in public? If you ain’t a kid who isn’t sick, there should be no excuse. That’s just me, though.

I bought Jyg her X-mas present already. Set me back some eighty-something bucks. Ain’t nothing but a g-thang, though.

Two men are talking about god. I’m leaving. Adios.

Doldrums

I’m Feeling Mighty Religious

“I refuse to be a saint; I would rather be a clown.” –Nietzsche

At Bruce Waynes’s funeral Commissioner Jim Gordon reads, “I see a beautiful city and a brilliant people rising from this abyss. I see the lives for which I lay down my life, peaceful, useful, prosperous and happy. I see that I hold a sanctuary in their hearts, and in the hearts of their descendants, generations hence. It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” For those of you not entertained by classical literature (I’m not),or possess the skills to Google something, that piece is from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. And outside of that reference, the only other quote I know from the book is, of course, “It was the best of times, it was the worse of times.” No bother, I guess that the central hero of the tale is doing something heroic by the end. Most characters tend to become the hero, even though they weren’t heroic from the get go. Hear that, Mr. George Lucas? Han Solo isn’t a monster because he shot first. He was an anti-hero who risked his life later on for the greater good. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. (Hopefully, Disney corrects the mistaken correction later on.)

But not all protagonists are “heroes.” Take the books by Hubert Selby, Jr. We’re not exactly rooting for anyone at the end, just continually watching in this morbid fascination as their whole world falls from underneath their feet. So what’s the point? What am I getting at here? Nothing, really. Just musing myself.

When I first introduced my Narrator Unknown to my creative writing class a few years ago, the reaction was unanimous. This character is someone you hate. I don’t think anyone in my class liked him. They wanted to know more about Samantha, a mentioned-only character whom I had a hard time dealing with when writing her scenes. So I removed the idea that making an unlikeable character was a good idea. But I didn’t want to make him the hero of his own stories. When we look at our daily lives, how many of us are heroic? Every day. In the sense that we’d actually want to read about ourselves? Not just to our loved ones. Our children. Our pets. The answer is usually an overwhelming none. NU was never meant to be a hero, he was meant as a person who just tries to hold on to everything he knows while not accepting change is inevitable.

You may want to end your life by doing something that is far, far better than anything you’ve done before. NU just wants to live.

Doldrums

Update

Where’s the picture, you ask? I’m on my new computer and therefore none of my “stock” photos are on it, yet. I could use my Tumblr likes as I’m wont to do, but I’m thinking that’ll take too much. Besides, there’s a lot to talk about. Well, not really, but humor me.

After a several year hiatus, I picked up my “Nietzsche stories” and started writing new ones. Two, actually. They haven’t passed my test yet, but the people who read them – I forced my co-workers to read them – have commented on what works and what doesn’t. Dick Masters’s name doesn’t work – it raised eyebrows, but that’s because they don’t know the back story to the character – which I only hinted to in the second story, meant as the last story. I realized that this whole time I was attempting to write a linear tale, which it can be viewed as such, but each of them is to act as a stand alone at the same time. So I want to start in the middle and work my way out, I guess.

Thanksgiving was good, even though there was a FOTY incident that I will probably not discuss anytime soon. I tried not to let anything ruin my son’s first Thanksgiving, so we marched on. Shaun loved the food – I’m happy that he could eat the processed version of our turkey and he loved the stuffing, mashed potatoes, and sweet potatoes. He knocked out when the meal started to affect him like it does to all of us. We watched Brave as our Thanksgiving film, and it turned out better than I thought because I didn’t know what the movie was about.

After everything, I started to feel a little nauseous, so I settled down to watch Friends with Benefits, which I liked better than No Strings Attached. I would’ve ended my night by watching Anonymous, but by the time Friends with Benefits ended, I was beyond fried.

Tomorrow I wake up early to go into work, which isn’t my ideal way to spend a four-day weekend, but I’m getting paid extra so I’ll suck it up. We’re decorating the department for X-mas and we’re probably gonna fuck around for a bit. Free food is also promised so I was roped in. Besides, I can use the extra money in my X-mas present jar.

What else? Oh yeah! My new computer! It’s a HP Envy Notebook with Windows 8 and Beats Audio. So yeah. Excitement can begin.

Doldrums

Gravel in Our Voices

“Even angels have their wicked schemes, and you take that to new extremes.” –Skylar Grey

I promise that some day these titles and quotes will correlate to the actual post. They don’t most of the time, but whatever. This be my journal. You fools are just snooping through it without my permission.

The voices have returned. They left me a while ago, giving me peace while I took on my new role in life. Now, however, they’re coming back with a raging violence that I cannot withstand. Funny that they’d chose November to do so, but I’m anti-NaNoWriMo because I find it silly and pointless – “Better to have a crappy first draft than nothing.” Sadly, I don’t agree with that school of thought because a crappy first draft sometimes becomes a crappier second draft and gets self-published, or worse – actually published.

The voices, though. They’re back. I question if they ever left me. Before you start wondering what I’m talking about, every story I’ve ever written started with a voice in my head. A character that I gave birthed to in a moment of insanity, I suppose. They tell me stories. Or I create one for them. Old voices are resurfacing, bitching that I never finished their tales. Well, buddy, take a number.

This isn’t a relatively new thing, I’m just more open about it these days. The voices started when I was a kid and my only source for entertainment was a stick and a rope in the backyard. Imagination, ladies and gents, is a wonderful thing and maybe it’s time you turned off that television your spawn in plopped in front of so they can have a fighting chance.

One thing that probably started this whole mess of things is the old lady who’s been using the Children’s Department books to learn how to read English. There’s something chillingly familiar about her. That said, I’m beginning to grow nostalgic about my maternal grandmother, who died this month fifteen years ago. This week, actually, if my memory serves me right.

There was a point to this post, I swear. It’s somewhere over the seas, heading towards Timbuktu. Man, I really did fuck the toaster because of this, didn’t I? I promise I’ll write a more coherent post later. I gotta go to bed now.

 

 

Doldrums

“Don’t go fucking yourself in the foot”

“Some people don’t deserve to live.”

Caveat: This post contains racist slurs I do not endorse. It talks about rape. It does not follow any linear format.

Somewhere around five or six, ballpark figure. Young. A child. Not the sort of person to shy away from a stranger, which is something both rewarding and deadly. She grabs a Junie B. Jones book, the one with the monster under her bed. She tells me that she’s not sure if she’s read this one already, but peruses it anyway.

“Monsters aren’t even real,” she tells me. “Are they?”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t think they are.”

Monsters, my dear, are real. They just wear better disguises in real life.

A different girl, miles away. Is raped by someone close to her. Or she’s raped by four football players, and they’ll brag about it the next day. Her days are lived in fear. She’s not sure who thinks her a slut and who a victim. Her name and reputation are dragged through the mud.

Tell me whatcha gonna do now,
Tell me what when there ain’t nowhere to run
When judgment comes for you, when judgement comes for you?

Someone posts that America has died after Obama was reelected. Teenagers post “nigger,” “monkey,” and hopes that our president dies. They make threats. Has the civil rights movement been in vain? Is this what post-racist America looks like? A Tumblr user wishes we can return to an age of innocence. Things were better in the days of Mayberry. Conservative era. When wives were in the kitchen fixing supper for their husbands and kids. When colored people had their own water fountain. Where separated-but-equal was a grand philosophy. When religion reigned, birthed from the fear of Communism. S/he asks me how religion is being forced down our throats. Is it the crosses at Arlington Cemetery? No. It’s the fact that you rather restrict my friends from getting married because it offends you, because it goes against what YOU believe. It’s restricting women right over their own bodies. It’s telling people that rape is a gift of god in disguise as a violet crime.

The truth is, there were no towns like Mayberry because the way things were never was. Mayberry? No, more like Maycomb where an Atticus Finch hoped for a better future for his children, but an angry mob wants to lynch the nigger. That’s the “innocence” you want to return to? No, thank you.

The monsters stop living beneath our beds, within our closets. They gave up on the dark, and adopted the light. They became politicians. They became hometown heroes. They became our neighbors. The reflection in the mirror.

Razor blades are tools of self harm. A household item’s darker side. But it’s the not the victim that should resort to pain in order to forget; it’s the monsters that should turn to pain to remember their crimes.

Doldrums

No Hope in a Dope

You might have believed in America, but America didn’t believe in you.

Last night, the country elected to continue forward. And while I want to slap the faces of all my Republican friends, it’s hard not to feel sorry for them. There they are, all their morals and picket signs, wondering how their golden boy failed them miserably. All that money collected and spent, and still this country is under a Democratic president. The Democrats took the Senate, as well. One of the highlights of the night being that the first openly gay Senator was elected last night. So what went wrong? If you buy into Ann Coulter, then the party was doomed the moment they elected Romney to lead them into victory, though I doubt that Chris Christie would have done any better. Perhaps if Ron Paul were chosen? Doubtful. What about the bigot, Santorum? I think the bodies of pro-life, pro-rape gentlemen ensures us that American women are a vigilant bunch.The only person who had a shred of integrity in the GOP primaries this last season was the most often ignored. If anyone had a good chance to prove that the Republican Party aren’t divorced from the rest of the country, it would have been Jon Huntsman. Yet, he was ignored. Even Ron Paul made fun of him.

So, Republicans, what happened? And I’m talking to real Republicans. Republicans that I’m beginning to believe on exist in television shows these days. Why did your party lose so drastically last night?

To put it simply, your party has lost all reason and rational thought.

Whoa, LiberalNo need for insults.

Hear me out. What year is it? That’s right, 2012. So why is Roe v. Wade still an issue? Why are we still talking about Women’s Rights? Why are we still talking about marriage equality? Why are we still discussing religion? Why are we still debating education? Why are we debating universal heath care?

I understand that you’re pro-life due to some misguided sense of morality based on your faith. And you have every right to be pro-life. You have every right to have the unpopular opinion. Go ahead, ask me what I think about abortion.

Uh…what do you think about abortion?

I don’t think I could ever consider abortion a natural process, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to say that you can’t have one. I’m not a religion person, so my reasons are humanistic – abortion steals a life that could potentially better us as a people. But it’s not my place to tell what others can do with their own bodies. That stating, as Republicans you have every right not to agree with abortion for whatever reason. You just don’t get a say in other people’s decisions. What does that mean for the GOP? Strong stance against abortions aren’t going to win you brownie points with women. You can be pro-life, just don’t make pro-life laws.

The same thing goes with same-sex marriage. Your beliefs are based on an archaic doctrine. The Bible is filled with all sorts of wacky shit, and we don’t even listen to most of them anymore (show of hands, how many of you eat meat on Fridays? how many of you take a shit without praying first? how many of you wear polyester or have enjoyed a luscious lobster dinner?). It’s a saying that’s been circulating for a while, if you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get one.

This country has proven we’re ready to accept everyone by voting for same-sex marriage and voting against a ban on it in four states. The first openly gay senator will attest to the fact that times are achangin’, and if you want to continue to be relevant in this brave new world, then I suggest you adapt (evolve?).

I understand religion is important to people who have it. I also understand that anything that “threatens” it is seen as a violation of religion freedoms. However, you’re free to believe in a god in the sky or a spaghetti monster. That’s your right. What isn’t consider a religious freedom is by passing laws that favor your religious beliefs (see previous two).

Homosexuals and atheists aren’t out to steal away your rights, they just want you to shut the fuck about them in the public forum.

Education stems from this adaptation. Science trumps religion no matter what. You can still keep your religion, and science will never replace it. However, you can’t say that natural disasters happen because two guys kissed in public or adopted or women aren’t in kitchens by a certain time. You don’t seriously believe that, do you? You can’t state that there is no real facts to back global warming, but state that a book written by several authors is all the proof you need that god exists. You can’t have it both ways, I’m sorry.

What killed the election for you this year, of course, is the extremists and the Tea Party. Distance yourselves from these people. Donald Trump? Fire him as your PR guy. Ted Nugent? Stop inviting him to things or state to the public what he says doesn’t reflect on your party’s beliefs. Rush Limbaugh? Turn the radio off. The Tea Party? Well, I’ve never seen a pack of “moochers” in my life disguised as Republicans.

I think Will McAvoy said it best:

Granted that Will McAvoy is a fictional character, it’s becoming a brutal fact that all the good Republicans are something of a myth these days. If they’re not saying that rape is a gift from god or argue whether a rape is legitimate, then they’re calling 47% of Americans lazy.

In short? Be pro-life, but don’t make it your platform. Don’t make laws that affect other people’s freedom. Your religion isn’t who you are, it’s just a part of you. Rich people may have the money, but the middle class has the vote. This country isn’t at war with itself, and education should be improved, not discarded. Teachers are heroes, they shouldn’t be punished for not making do with the little you’ve given them. Empirical data over Big Oil. Grass roots means people who actually know what the hell’s going on in this world, not people who think taxes are unconstitutional. Remove the extremist and disavow the Tea Party. Rape already has a definition, don’t try to improve on it. Women are people, too. Using Latinos to garner the Latino vote is insulting, especially when you’re assuming we’re just going to side with him just because we’re the “same.” You can’t say fair share and give the wealthiest a tax-cut. And for fucksake, Universal Health Care isn’t a tax, or just another scam to allow people not to improve themselves. Of the thirty-three “developed” countries, we’re the only ones without some form of it.

Or you can stay the course. What do I know? I’m just some liberal.