Doldrums

“I’m not around to miss your smile”

 

Fight Like Apes
Exhibit A: MayKay (Photo credit: Neil Dorgan)

There’s something beautiful about a cranapple blend. There’s something miraculous in a new book. There’s something superbly sexy about Alison Tyler. There’s something comforting about having friends who stuck around throughout all my drama and asshole-ish-ness. There’s something heart-stoppingly awesome when he gets excited by my present. There’s something peaceful in MayKay‘s voice. And there’s something wonderful in the feeling that I get whenever…well, I’ll save that for a later post.

Sometimes, I just want to lay down all my demons and find something better to do with myself. Sometimes, I want to express myself to the fullest possible way. Sometimes, I want to just run into the Gulf and let the waves sweep me to wherever. Sometimes, I want to get lost in her book. Sometimes, I just want to wrap myself up in a blanket and just watch the sea swallow the sun and all the earth around it. Sometimes, I wish I could mean it when I say I’m over it.

I want to transcribe the stories I traced into your skin when I loved you. I want to sing out loud, even if I cannot carry a tune to save my life. I want to undo what I put you through, all those years ago, and make it right. I want to tell you how I feel before you’re gone from my life. I want to sit with you in some cafe in France and bitch about people who go to France.

Exhibit B: More on this in the next post.
Exhibit B: More on this in the next post.

 

Doldrums

“…holding hands with Eloise…”

And I can’t compete with all you talk about,
You’re so informed.
Yet, you talk like a lout, you say
Yo la Tengo like you’re selling perfume
Like a brand new scent for modern men
Invented by cartoons.

Why must I be the pessimistic romantic? I see the end of a relationship before it starts. Lately, I’ve listened to sad music. Longing for something that I know is not out there. At least, not for me.

Started thinking about mix tapes after reading Eleanor & Park. I miss making playlists for other people to enjoy. There was a time when I shared music that I liked with people who I liked. Now, it’s just in ear buds, shared with none.

Sometimes, I want to talk a girl and lose myself in her words. And I want to say smart things while talking to her. And I want to cut myself straight down the middle to see if there’s anything still working in there.

Started talking to Grace about someone. Mentioned I displaced my emotions. Sometimes, I’m sure that I do this on purpose. That I want to hurt others to not feel a single thing.

Should really take Miranda on her offer.