I don’t usually mind calling someone out when he serves no purpose to me or my life or my job—this is why I call my friends by pseudonyms whenever they say something I don’t agree with (and that’s only the Lizard King). However, the main subject of this post is kin to a friend (and not just a friend of a friend because I see no importance in my friend’s friends unless they’re my friends, as well) so I decided that it is in my best interest to remain “diplomatic” and address the subject by only his initials, TM.

English: Washington, D.C. - Photo of Tea Party...
English: Washington, D.C. – Photo of Tea Party Protests at the Capitol Building September 12, 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The government decided to shut down earlier this week and the onslaught of tweets and status updates dared anyone to ignore it. And, of course, no one did. Both sides blamed the other, even though it’s blatant that this is the fault of the Lord and Savior, Ted Cruz (by the way the Tea Party hoists this guy, you’d think Jesus came back). My Facebook timeline has become a clusterfuck of news articles that are misguided, slanted, or just fabricated (with the exception of The Onion posts, because if you can’t trust The Onion, who can you trust?).

Among my left-wing friends, X stated how the Republican shutdown is hurting the American people. His cousin, TM, made the snide remark, “[I’]m not hurt.” (Note: For own sanity, I have corrected his spelling and capitalization—housed in brackets—but not his grammar or syntax or his backward ideology.)

“I guess [it’s] always the [R]epublican[‘s] fault to you, [X],” he added.

X goes on to explain, “Not always…but there’s no denying that they bear the brunt of the blame for the last eight years. This is not the same Republican Party from the days of Reagan.”

But TM is having none of it, and his speech goes from Republican to downright bigotry:

“I have to tell you, and [I] hear that from every one person that is a [D]emocrat, because they attach them[selves] to that party bec[au]se they are homosexuals, lesbians, abort[ionists], or lazy people that think the gover[n]ment owes them something bec[au]se their grandpa was a slave and [I] have more to say but [I’]m working right now and can[‘t] be on [F]acebook. Lol.”

It’s a near verbatim comment that all Republican candidates give when speaking in front of the elitist or the stupid (who’s to say they’re a different bunch?). It was Mitt Romney’s downfall, anyway. And the incompetent Tea Party members slurp it up like Sasha Grey slurps up frappuccinos—what?! What were you thinking I’d say?

Judging by his profile picture, TM is a red-blooded, gun-toting, deer-slaying American man. He’s a man’s man who likes to hang out and knock back a few beers, making the occasional racist joke or two with his buddies who are also red-blooded, gun-toting, deer-slaying American men (no homo!).

X is disheartened, and so am I—but not for the same reason. We live in a world filled with information at our disposal, but if it’s not pressed between the covers a King James or a Rush Limbaugh, it’s not true or worth acknowledging.

“…you really believe that [TM]?” asked X.

“Yeah [they’re] (meaning homosexuals) humans like everyone but you don[‘t] tell me that you were born that way,” TM goes on. “Or think that because the color of your skin or bec[au]se [you’re] a homsexual need special right[s] to be protected from new law hate crime. There is a constitution for everyone in this nation and it covers every [A]merican. I have children and they are having their minds fill with garbage every day and night telling them or even us that it[‘s] okay. It[‘s] not ok.”

I weep for his children, but question what garbage he’s talking about. As a parent, he can control what information his children hear. He can’t complain about school because teachers aren’t supposed to discuss politics outside of class lessons (or religion, for that matter, but that doesn’t stop several Valley teachers from abusing their power). So what I’m trying to convey here is that the only garbage his kids may hear on a day and night basis is the hate-filled sort that spews from his mouth and fingertips. And he speaks of a constitution as if he understands it—which he doesn’t, otherwise he would know that rights that it’s supposed to protect are being violated in several states when it comes to homosexuals.

In his eyes, hate crimes are a special privilege bestowed upon the lazy (are I use the ‘n’ and ‘f’ words?) Democrats. They apparently choose to feel persecuted and demand the government solve all their problems. I felt I had to weigh in on this:

“I’m pretty sure lesbians are homosexuals, but that’s just me. And I’m neither. Nor am I an “abortionist.” When it comes to abortions, you can say that I would never have one (if I could, anyway). But I don’t believe that if something offends me, makes me cringe or cry at night (it does neither) then no one should be allowed to get one. My grandfather wasn’t a slave. He was a self-made man, granted that he was never rich. He taught me the best things in life are made by your own two hands (which is why I write, I suppose). I vote Republican when I feel the candidate can do a better job than “my party,” but level headed Republicans have been drinking the tea lately and they’re not so level headed. Which is funny that you say we feel the government owes us something because isn’t that the ideological beliefs of the Tea Party?”

His response? “You are not a rep and you probably never will be.”

He makes it sound like it’s a bad thing that I’m a considerate person and that’s the only reason I will never be a Republican. But he goes on, “And if you would see the [truth] you would think [differently].”

What truth, though? Because it seems that TM lives in a world of fantasy where no one judges a person by the color of their skin or who they fall in love with. A world where hate crimes are unnecessary because they only give special rights to minorities instead of protecting them from being mistreated by assholes with a similar mindset as his. He’s a part of an ever growing league of morons who believe a person willing chooses a life of hardship and persecution because it gets them special treatment. I tried to reason with him:

“So you’re saying “hate crimes” are a gift from the government? So it should be okay if we, say, beat someone to death because [they’re]* gay and we’re not? [Or] lynch a black guy for being, say, black. Or maybe something not that extreme. How about we just don’t give them housing. I mean we have a place to rent (hypothetically), but only for white, straight Americans. Because anything else is sub-par.”

“You didn’t see what I wrote or you just see what you want,” talk about the pot and kettle, hu? “We have a constitution and that’s all you need to see.”

Republicans don’t do irony, apparently. The Constitution is the central argument in his farce of knowing much about anything. A historical document that gave birth to our country (well, sort of) written by a bunch of slave-owning white guys is all we need to protect our rights—so fuck new laws, right? Only no one imagined the freedom of slaves and how these former slaves may want equal rights. Or how women may want the same opportunities, control over their own bodies, and equal pay. Those wig-toting bastards should have predicted the future when they signed it, goddamnit!

“I’m afraid that just saying we have a constitution doesn’t mean you understand the Constitution. Or the times it was written in,” I replied. “I probably missed the lecture in government when our founding fathers discussed the possibility that two guys may want to get married.”

Of course, the irony of the last sentence soared over his head as he read it that I believe homosexuality is a choice, and we shouldn’t grant them any equality—or rather, continue to exist in a fog of delusion believing that the Constitution will do its job. But it doesn’t, because the Constitution is just a document (an important document, granted, but a non-breathing, non-living document that doesn’t pass laws or shouts out when discrimination happens). I wonder if he knows that Texas still allows to employers to fire someone for being gay. Or how this state also doesn’t allow an Atheist to hold office. I’m going to sit here and wait until the Constitution wakes up and does it’s bloody job. I may be here awhile. Better call into work.


No Hope in a Dope

You might have believed in America, but America didn’t believe in you.

Last night, the country elected to continue forward. And while I want to slap the faces of all my Republican friends, it’s hard not to feel sorry for them. There they are, all their morals and picket signs, wondering how their golden boy failed them miserably. All that money collected and spent, and still this country is under a Democratic president. The Democrats took the Senate, as well. One of the highlights of the night being that the first openly gay Senator was elected last night. So what went wrong? If you buy into Ann Coulter, then the party was doomed the moment they elected Romney to lead them into victory, though I doubt that Chris Christie would have done any better. Perhaps if Ron Paul were chosen? Doubtful. What about the bigot, Santorum? I think the bodies of pro-life, pro-rape gentlemen ensures us that American women are a vigilant bunch.The only person who had a shred of integrity in the GOP primaries this last season was the most often ignored. If anyone had a good chance to prove that the Republican Party aren’t divorced from the rest of the country, it would have been Jon Huntsman. Yet, he was ignored. Even Ron Paul made fun of him.

So, Republicans, what happened? And I’m talking to real Republicans. Republicans that I’m beginning to believe on exist in television shows these days. Why did your party lose so drastically last night?

To put it simply, your party has lost all reason and rational thought.

Whoa, LiberalNo need for insults.

Hear me out. What year is it? That’s right, 2012. So why is Roe v. Wade still an issue? Why are we still talking about Women’s Rights? Why are we still talking about marriage equality? Why are we still discussing religion? Why are we still debating education? Why are we debating universal heath care?

I understand that you’re pro-life due to some misguided sense of morality based on your faith. And you have every right to be pro-life. You have every right to have the unpopular opinion. Go ahead, ask me what I think about abortion.

Uh…what do you think about abortion?

I don’t think I could ever consider abortion a natural process, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to say that you can’t have one. I’m not a religion person, so my reasons are humanistic – abortion steals a life that could potentially better us as a people. But it’s not my place to tell what others can do with their own bodies. That stating, as Republicans you have every right not to agree with abortion for whatever reason. You just don’t get a say in other people’s decisions. What does that mean for the GOP? Strong stance against abortions aren’t going to win you brownie points with women. You can be pro-life, just don’t make pro-life laws.

The same thing goes with same-sex marriage. Your beliefs are based on an archaic doctrine. The Bible is filled with all sorts of wacky shit, and we don’t even listen to most of them anymore (show of hands, how many of you eat meat on Fridays? how many of you take a shit without praying first? how many of you wear polyester or have enjoyed a luscious lobster dinner?). It’s a saying that’s been circulating for a while, if you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get one.

This country has proven we’re ready to accept everyone by voting for same-sex marriage and voting against a ban on it in four states. The first openly gay senator will attest to the fact that times are achangin’, and if you want to continue to be relevant in this brave new world, then I suggest you adapt (evolve?).

I understand religion is important to people who have it. I also understand that anything that “threatens” it is seen as a violation of religion freedoms. However, you’re free to believe in a god in the sky or a spaghetti monster. That’s your right. What isn’t consider a religious freedom is by passing laws that favor your religious beliefs (see previous two).

Homosexuals and atheists aren’t out to steal away your rights, they just want you to shut the fuck about them in the public forum.

Education stems from this adaptation. Science trumps religion no matter what. You can still keep your religion, and science will never replace it. However, you can’t say that natural disasters happen because two guys kissed in public or adopted or women aren’t in kitchens by a certain time. You don’t seriously believe that, do you? You can’t state that there is no real facts to back global warming, but state that a book written by several authors is all the proof you need that god exists. You can’t have it both ways, I’m sorry.

What killed the election for you this year, of course, is the extremists and the Tea Party. Distance yourselves from these people. Donald Trump? Fire him as your PR guy. Ted Nugent? Stop inviting him to things or state to the public what he says doesn’t reflect on your party’s beliefs. Rush Limbaugh? Turn the radio off. The Tea Party? Well, I’ve never seen a pack of “moochers” in my life disguised as Republicans.

I think Will McAvoy said it best:

Granted that Will McAvoy is a fictional character, it’s becoming a brutal fact that all the good Republicans are something of a myth these days. If they’re not saying that rape is a gift from god or argue whether a rape is legitimate, then they’re calling 47% of Americans lazy.

In short? Be pro-life, but don’t make it your platform. Don’t make laws that affect other people’s freedom. Your religion isn’t who you are, it’s just a part of you. Rich people may have the money, but the middle class has the vote. This country isn’t at war with itself, and education should be improved, not discarded. Teachers are heroes, they shouldn’t be punished for not making do with the little you’ve given them. Empirical data over Big Oil. Grass roots means people who actually know what the hell’s going on in this world, not people who think taxes are unconstitutional. Remove the extremist and disavow the Tea Party. Rape already has a definition, don’t try to improve on it. Women are people, too. Using Latinos to garner the Latino vote is insulting, especially when you’re assuming we’re just going to side with him just because we’re the “same.” You can’t say fair share and give the wealthiest a tax-cut. And for fucksake, Universal Health Care isn’t a tax, or just another scam to allow people not to improve themselves. Of the thirty-three “developed” countries, we’re the only ones without some form of it.

Or you can stay the course. What do I know? I’m just some liberal.

Writing & Writers

A Conversation with God

"I love all my children, except Rick Santorum. He's not really mine." –God

The man who sits across from me isn’t what I expected. The stories depict him as towering; the man before me cannot be any taller than five-foot-one. He smiles. “I know what you’re thinking,” he says. His voice isn’t what I expected, either. It’s not booming. Not resonating through my ears. Instead, it’s gentle. Think Moby instead of James Earl Jones. “Not all those stories are true,” he says. “Some of them got lost in translation.”

He pauses a moment, considering what he said. “Actually, they should throw the whole book out.”

None of this is making sense to me, and he can see my confusion. So much so, it makes him laugh. That’s life, or so he says. You expect a towering, white-bearded giant older than time itself, and instead you get an androgynous, five-foot-one deity of undermined age.

Question of Existence

God orders a hot chocolate and a thin slice of cheesecake. His attempt to cut back on the strong stuff. “You wouldn’t believe the headaches I’m getting,” he chuckles. “Look out below, right? Sorry about that, Japan.”

There’s a question I planned on saving for last which is pointless to an omniscience being.

“No. I don’t really exist. You’re just here talking to yourself. Figure out if I’m being sarcastic,” he snorts.

“People are so bent out of shape on whether I exist, or not. Sometimes, I think it’s best if I never made myself known, you know? Where would man kind be if I never butted in?” He shakes his head. “It’s funny,” he says without laughing. “There are those in my flock that think they’re leading the way. I think my kingdom – whatever that means – would do better without them.”

“Does that mean…?”

He cuts me off, “Yeah. Jerry Falwell? Nope. Not there.”

“I hate to admit it, but I will,” he smirks. “The Atheists have the right idea. Pretend I’m not here. Stop living up to my standards. You can’t be godly. Just be human.”

Where Credit is Due

When his order arrives, he gently blows into his cup before drinking. “Always burn my tongue on the first sip,” he says. “Never fails. Satan made these lids, by the way.”

“Is Satan everything his reputation states?”

“Satan? Nah, he’s a pussy cat. He gets a bad rap, but that’s the Christians for you. They needed a bad guy and they made him into one. They read the first book and said, ‘Aha! That snake is Satan!’ And it wasn’t anything like that. Satan and the serpent are two different entities. The Serpent was actually my first project, but that failed. They got out of control so I sent an asteroid to smash the earth. How he survived, I don’t know.”

He takes a bite of his cheesecake, ” This blasphemous. It tastes awful.”

“They’ll probably blame it on Satan,” I said.

“True. But that’s the problem with people. You all don’t give yourselves enough credit. It’s always Satan or me that made you do stuff. But I’m like whatever. Every time I hear some musician, actor, or whatever say, ‘And I’d like to thank God for this,’ I just shrug and think, ‘It’s all you, Halle. You worked hard to get where you are. I didn’t do shit. I just sat here with Satan playing Xbox all day.'”

He continues after another sip, “Look, here’s the role I play in the world. I created it and everything in it. That’s it. That was my job. Everything else was up to you.”

Homosexuality & Politics

“I knew we’d wind up here. And not just because I can see every move you’re going to make and its alternative,” he laughs. “It’s just every one wants to ask God what team he cheers for. Let’s get it straight, the Democrats have good intentions and the Republicans think they have good intentions. In the end, however, it’s the same shit stick. One end is covered in it, the other just smells of it.”

“My best advice when deciding on a candidate is, never trust a man who says I speak to him. The only people I talk to on a regular basis are Kurt Cobain and Ernest Hemingway. And I only talk to them because they keep following me around.”

“I guess the one thing that really bugs me about the whole using me in their speeches is homosexuality. Look, when I told them men cannot lie with other men as they do with women, what I meant was it’s physically impossible. Men don’t have vaginas, so there’s no physical way to have sex with them in the same standards as women. It wasn’t meant as some cheap shot to say I don’t agree with homosexuality. I just wanted them to figure shit out on their own. Like, ‘You can’t have vaginal sex with men, because it’s impossible. So find some other way to have sex with them.’ I’m so glad they figured out a way around that handicap.”

“In all seriousness, though, I have nothing against homosexuality. Some of my best friends are homosexuals. Not to mention, I love all my children – gay, straight, transgender and so on.”

How about Rick Santorum?

“Well, all my children except Rick Santorum. He’s not really mine, to be honest. And that man knows nothing of my work. I see him every day standing before a crowd of idiots, talking as if he knows my damn agenda by heart. Look, you better quit talking shit in my name, Rick.”

He takes a sip of his drink and stares bemusedly at the cheesecake before shaking his head, “People like Rick like to pretend I intended America to be some holy land. If the USA was my idea of the promised land, I broke that promise. I’m sorry.”

Sorting out the mess

“I know, it confuses me to. I had nothing to do with the second book. But the question keeps arises every time I take a gander at it, ‘How can I be my own Father and my own Son? But yeah, don’t believe everything you read in that damn book.”

God finishes up his hot chocolate and, after a moment’s thought, eats the rest of the cheesecake.

“Look, I know you’re confused about it all. You spent your whole life trying to figure me out. Everyone does it, and those who think they got it down are far from the truth. I didn’t create you all to bash and hate one another. I did it so you can prosper. There is no meaning to life. No subtext to why you’re here. You just are. And you’re not here for very long, so live it up while you can. And I guess that’s all I really wanted to say.”


Why I Don’t Like Ron Paul

Far from the best man for this government

A friend of mine had the gall to say I was “nit-picking” reasons for disliking hating downright loathing Ron Paul. His reasons for liking him? He wants to end wars and end US dependency on other countries. I’m sure legalizing marijuana is somewhere in the mix, but one never uses that if one wants to be taken seriously – though, it is a serious matter, mind you.

Ron Paul, however, is a politician. And a bad one. Not only would he rather see you die if you don’t have health insurance, but he’ll say one thing – like he supports homosexuals – when he really believes something else – like not really, but sorta kinda supports homosexuals in the sense that they are allowed to be homosexuals, but not openly, like in the sense of getting married. He also supported “don’t ask, don’t tell,” which – if you watched Rick Perry’s “Strong” campaign ad – you’d know he’s part of a larger hate group known as the GOP – Jon Huntsman, excluded.

Abortion is always a hot button issue for me, as well. Ron Paul doesn’t want to do away with Roe v. Wade, per se, he believes states should make the decision whether to ban abortion. If we lived in a perfectly logical world, this would make sense. However, we don’t. We live in evangelical Christian America and women’s rights would be Snoop Dogg song in no time. This, in turn, also means he’s against embryonic stem cell research, which could benefit so many people’s lives – but as a Libertarian, the lives of others are no matter to him.

I’ll overlook his support for abstinence only education because he is a conservative and hating him for that is silly – besides, I’m a firm believer that if you want your kids raised by the education system, it’s your own fault when MTV is knocking on your door with a contract.

My friend is right, by the way, Ron Paul does want to end war. He also wants to withdraw the US from the UN and disband NATO. He has it in his head that the United States can protect herself without the help of other countries. Pretty much implying that we should stay out of other countries issues and war. Of course, that really helped a lot during both War Worlds, right? I mean, did everyone forget about The Zimmerman Telegraph and Pearl Harbor? It’s clear that Ron Paul and his supporters skipped American History during those important incidents that caused us to enter war. And I’m not saying that war is essential – the world can surely do without – but I’m not delusional enough to believe that by ignoring something, it’ll go away. If anything, it’ll only draw things to us without us knowing it.

And there is a laundry list of things that make Ron Paul the one of the worse people for the job as President of the United States of America. There’s the fact that he wants to end ENDA, that he voted against the Amber Alert, wants to drill drill drill in Alaska, believes that the United States is a Christian nation – even believes there is a war against Christmas (but conveniently ignores the war against Halloween), that he opposes the Civil Rights Act of 1964, he’s against the popular vote – probably because he never received it, wants to revive the Sodomy Laws, and he wants to build a wall along the US/Mexico border.

Oh, but I’m nit-picking. How silly of me. None of these things essentially matter because Ron Paul promises to end war and end our dependency on foreign oil – though that will never really happen, because, let’s face it, the oil companies will never allow it (it’s bad for business, you know). Let’s face it, the only reason people like him so much is the pot issue. Then again, it’s not like a politician ever lied to his supporters, right?