Music

The Marshall Mathers LP 2

Has it been 13 years since The Marshall Mathers LP found its way into my collection? A 17-year-old, skinny high school student whose music collection was limited to the disenfranchised post grunge albums and industrial rabble-rousers proclaiming god was dead. I heard about Eminem—hi, my name is cheekacheeka Slim Shady—but rap was for assholes with their pants sagging so low you wondered why the fuck they didn’t just walk around in their boxers. But his third studio album hit me hard. “The Way I Am,” “Marshall Mathers,” and “Stan” hit me hard that not all rap albums are full of shit. That Eminem had a gift and he was going to change the rap world with it.

The Marshall Mathers LP 2Now, I’m a 30-year-old man and his latest album, The Marshall Mathers LP 2 dropped so hard the ground shook beneath our feet. The perfect homage to his younger self, the album reflects his growth from the angry, bleach blonde homicidal manic in a jump suit and Jason hockey mask. He’s still angry. But his lyrics are filled with so many emotions it’s easy to overlook it.

In “Headlights,” which features the vocals of Nate Ruess (Fun.), he revisits the anger and grudge he held against his mother. “I went in headfirst/Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse/My mom probably got it the worst/The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are/Did I take it too far?/Cleaning out my closet and all them other songs/But regardless I don’t hate you cause ma/You’re still beautiful to me, cause you’re my mom,” opens Eminem’s verse of the nearly tear-jerking magnum opus of a son putting all his hate behind him. He goes on to say, “Now I know it’s not your fault, and I’m not making jokes/That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it’s on the radio…/But I love you Debbie Mathers, oh what a tangle web we have cause…And I’m mad I didn’t get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad/So Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet/I guess I had to get this off my chest, I hope I get the chance to lay it before I’m dead.”

While in “Stronger Than I Was,” Eminem revisits his crumbled relationship with Kim Mathers. Rather going off at her, placing her body in the proverbial trunk, he finally sits back and sees the relationship from her point of view: “And you’d tease, you’re just fucking with me/and you must hate me/why do you date me if you say I make you sick? […]We were Bonnie and Clyde/No, on the inside you were Jekyll and Hyde I/Felt like my whole relationship with you was a lie/It was you and I, why did I think it was ride or die? […] And I thank you cause you made me a better person than I was/But I hate you cause you drained me/I gave you all, you gave me none/But if you blame me, you’re crazy.”

By far, The Marshall Mathers LP 2 is the most important album of the year, surpassing my favorite band’s come back. It proves that Eminem has matured, while remaining the rap artist we fell in love when he first came out in the scene. The album is packed with references from older material (such as the feud he had with the Insane Clown Posse), guest musicians (like Rihanna—I’ll happy skip these tracks in the future), Skylar Grey, and Kendrick Lamar). Still filled with misogyny and homophobic slurs, it’s no wonder that Marshall Mathers LP 2 has stirred so much controversy and resentment from this pretentious politically correct world. In other words, the musician can grow older without having grown up.

 

Music

“Sideways” by Citizen Cope

These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
They’ve been knockin’ me out, babe
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won’t go away

Doldrums · Music

Season Finale Pt. 2

Exhibit A: Chapin City Blues Volumes 1 & 2
Exhibit A: Chapin City Blues Volumes 1 & 2. Artwork by the very fabulous, awe inspiring Katy.

Last night, I compiled and burned two playlists that I dubbed the soundtrack to this blog. Featuring songs I embedded, mentioned, or quoted (in titles or otherwise) on this blog for the last three years (Oh My Wow, right‽). The CDs are meant for my quote/unquote “sisters,” Miranda and my butt-faced hipsis, Ashton Cutright. The two copies you see in Exhibit A were burned for my co-worker, Angela, who started with Volume 2. Tsk tsk tsk.

As hinted in the last post, I’m taking a leave of absence in the blogosphere. Usually, this is a bad move as it results in lost of readership. Considering that my readership is made up of a handful of friends and online comrades coupled with a bunch of perverts Google-searching pics of Linetrap’s penis, I don’t think I’m going to miss out on much (no offense people wanting to see Bailey Jay’s dick, you guys are my bread and butter). Besides, friends and online comrades still have me on social networks – accept those of you who follow me on Tumblr because I think I’m done with that aspect of my life (and the only post you’ll probably be seeing are Instagram related).

The reason for this is that I need to suss some things out in my life. I need to see if these feelings I have building up in the pit of my being are worth exploring. I need to see if I can focus on my creative writing again. I won’t be gone long, I promise. And when I come back, I’m returning to a new logo created by Ashton and a couple of other thing. There’s a lot of revamping for the blog, including that pesky subtitle. After three years, if I haven’t created a sense of place, I don’t think I’m meant to.

As usual, season finales always contain some sort of cliffhanger that draws the audience back. So here’s mine. The last few months, I fell into the greatest depression I’ve ever found myself in. And I lost a great amount of myself in it. But I’ve closed the swinging door. And I’m learning how to pull away from it, no longer am I hoping that it opens. Because I realized the power I gave to her diminished the moment I was able to see someone else in the same light.

So here’s to the next three years and the new adventure I’m going to embark on.

Books · Music

“We Must Rip Out All the Epilogues in the Books that We Have Read

Oh my morning’s coming back
The whole world’s waking up
All the city buses swimming past
I’m happy just because
I found out I am really no one.

I purchased The Walking Dead Compendium Two yesterday. A long with a Knuffle Bunny for Shaun, and a paperback copy of Christopher Healy’s The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom, which I already “own” as a digital copy, but I needed something real.

Last night, after everything, I went for a run. I’ve been using Zombies, 5K to build some endurance before I go full on Zombies, Run. I hate feeling exposed while running around the park. With all the low-lives sitting on the benches, drinking their beers and smoking their cigarettes, it’s like I’m running for an audience. Not to mention the other runners and walkers who I encounter (they run/walk counterclockwise, I run clockwise). So I did my ten minute brisk walk around the park and did the walk/run drills around the area. I made it back to the park to finish the last ten minutes of my free run. I realized I have a little more oomph in me to continue running for a longer range of time, so I ran more. I like the idea that I’m doing this small effort to build a healthier lifestyle so I can pass on to Shaun when he’s older.

I need to start working on Ashton’s and Miranda’s CDs. I’ve been congested with music, that piling up more will only make things harder on me. And after I’m done with that…I don’t know. In the meanwhile, who wants a copy of my Zombies, Run playlist? It’s an old playlist I made years ago (it’s actually four playlists molded into one). I’ll burn the first quarter and send it out to you.

Exhibit A: My new rings
Exhibit A: My new rings

To conclude this, I received a belated birthday gift from a friend today. Two skull rings arrived in my mail. One was of my longing and the second was his choice. I love them, and the weight on my fingers is making me itch to write/type. See, every writer has a quirk. A ritual of sorts. Mine was to wear the rings I acquired during my relationship with Jeanna. Now their meaning and what I lost depresses me so I never wear them, anymore. But these rings are filling the gap. I just love them.

Doldrums · Music

Say Yes

I’m in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
who’s still around the morning after.
We broke up a month ago, and I grew up – I didn’t know
I’d be around the morning after

It’s always been wait and see
A happy day and then you’ll pay
And feel like shit the morning after
But now I feel changed around
And instead of falling down
I’m standing up the morning after
Situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later
I could be another fool or an exception to the rule
You tell me the morning after.

Crooked spin can’t come to rest
I’m damaged bad at best
She’ll decide what she wants
I’ll probably be the last to know
No one says it ’til it shows
See how it is, they want you or they don’t
Say yes.

I’m in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
Who’s still around the morning after…

Sometimes there are things I wanna just get off my chest. But the privacy of my blog has changed drastically and I’m not ready to even begin to speak about these sort of things out loud in the company of others who will either reject or accept me. Instead, I lose myself in the white sun of afterthought and the cursed waves of forethought. Ashton told me she’d kick my ass if I wasn’t allowing myself some sliver of happiness, but there are somethings that take time to heal or even begin the process anew. I guess, what I’m trying to say is that I may have hope for something new in life, but I’m not giving up my hopes.