I swapped my Agnostic religious status to Atheist last night on Facebook—because, as you know, nothing is official until it’s Facebook official. It’s something that I should’ve done months, if not years, ago. I began to find it impossible that something can exist outside of the physical. That there’s some designer in the sky who expects our obedience. I don’t believe in a god. And I haven’t for a very long time, before I even heard the name Richard Dawkins. And I want to make this clear, my disbelief isn’t based on The God Delusion (which I just decided to read) or The Blind Watchmaker (which I’ve never read) as my former creative writing professor turned friend seems to believe (I’ve decided to call him the Lizard King, though I caution him about calling himself such as the conspiracy nuts will have a field day believing that he’s the head of their shadow government). My Agnosticism/Atheism/Doubtism sprouted before I ever picked up a philosophy book, before I fell in love with Christopher Hitchens’ essays, back when “God is dead” was a song lyric to a Nine Inch Nails song and not a Friedrich Nietzsche line, and even before I heard that song.
My seed of doubt—the seed of reason and desire to further my knowledge in truth and not fantasy—was planted by a CCD (bible school) teacher who gave me the bad news that I’d be burning in hell for killing insects that did me wrong—apparently, Catholic Sunday school teachers are practicing Buddhists with a great sense of guilt. Because it was at that moment when I realized that if Hell were real and I was surely going there, it’d be by my hand, my choice, not hers.
I was a blasphemous youth who grew into a blasphemous adult who learned that blasphemy is a victimless crime. However, for the longest time, I held on to the belief—because the half-doubt I carried was a belief—that humans couldn’t know for a fact if there was or wasn’t a higher power as there wasn’t enough evidence on either side. But that was my arrogance getting the better of me. I mistook my inability to learn, in my short life (as I do not believe in an afterlife), the truth as the great human flaw.
So here I am. An Atheist.
Before signing off and spell checking, I want to mention that the original post that was “slated” to go here was a well-thought out piece about beauty. I hope to get it out to you tomorrow.