Stream of Consciousness


It’s a fevered wind that blows through me that chills my spine and entwines with the capillaries of my being. Unfathomable, this urge to scream at the top of my lungs is. If I remain silent, my voice will turn to wind and breeze. I’ve a memory of you sitting on the branch of a gnarled mesquite tree, your legs dangling from the sap-slick bark as the sun rises or sets or explodes in the sky behind you. A visage of some unearthly staring down at the destruction.

You say, “I’m not in love.” That you never believed in love and whatever love does exist isn’t meant to last. Love is fleeting and lust is its creator.

Forgiveness isn’t in your vocabulary. Faithfulness is taken into consideration. Acceptance is suggestion, and affection is a one-sided deal.

Life is returning to the womb. Reassurance is returning to the water. I can hear the shore calling me. The waves crashing against it, inviting. As I immerse myself into the deep, I feel myself dissolving. The blood dripping from the tips of my fingers as the water fills the capillaries of my being. And what was one is now a fading pool.

Video: “Not in Love” by Crystal Castles ft. Robert Smith from Crystal Castles (II). Unofficial music video by Nanalew.

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