I can’t concentrate. On anything. Work. Reading. Even this post. A few draft posts linger in the backlog. I’ll Instagram the process of writing this post before actually hitting publish. There’s a lot on my mind. Most of it, I haven’t the vaguest clue.
I started reading Darkness Visible by William Styron because I loved the description of depression referenced in the Jude Law film I watched during my period of sickness. Did I mention I fell ill at the tail end of last week? A fever cloaked, unwilling to shrug itself off until I starved myself Sunday.
Most of my lack of concentration can be blamed on my depression. The fact that I can’t sleep at night no matter how much my body craves sleep, has me downing caffeinated drinks by the truck load.
The thoughts can shoulder the rest of the blame.
My thoughts haven’t been with the crush in quite some time. However, yesterday, I thought about what I should get her for Xmas. And I thought about her the night before as I listened to song that reminded me of someone else, music I’m sure she’d love.
I’m thinking about a piece brewing within me. A piece about how passive Christians need to stop riding in the backseat while these militant nutcases who pass themselves off as Christians drive the Christ bus through the mire.
My thoughts are with Amie and my nameless narrator, as I map their relationship with my fingertips.
There I go again. I just can’t focus. I’m hitting publish so this doesn’t just get logged with the rest of them.