Words never fail me until speak.
New Year’s Day is just around the corner, and the resolutions of others are bubbling on Facebook and other social networks. So much positivity and promise longed for by each of these people who I acknowledge are my friends and loved ones.
I played through the scenarios, and contemplated the chapters. Not a single one do I fit in. These promises exclude me, and it’s something that I’ve been realizing a long time coming. I’ve attempted to hold on to a modicum of we shared and turned up empty-handed.
And just as I lose hope, I see her. Someone who I thought I’d gotten over, but I see her and I hear voice and I know that there is home between them. Maybe I’m being an emotional vampire, seeking for someone to love me. Someone who can love this monster and someone who can make me feel human. If only through conversation. When I see her smile and when I listen to her singing, it’s a peace that I thought would never be recovered.
Of all the conversations we shared, they’re all my favorite. Even when we disagree, I enjoy just speaking to her. So why is it that I cannot express myself? If I can share my deepest secret with her, why can’t I just tell her how I feel?
Chapin City Blues 