Chapin City Blues

Rating:

Movie Details:

What It’s About:

A psychopathic twelve-year-old girl in a small town in Nebraska recruits all the other children and goes on a bloody rampage, killing the corrupt adults and anyone else who opposes her. A bright high schooler who won’t go along with the plan is the town’s only hope of survival. (Letterboxd)

Let’s Talk About It:

Someone get Greta Thunberg out of the corn, please. Not that I’m not all for mother nature, protecting the planet, and voting out the ignoramuses (ignorami?) who continually vote in favor of profit over the planet, I don’t need an in-your-face horror movie about it. Especially one that is poorly executed and shines a negative light on the youth who want to actually inherit a planet when their grandparents finally shuffle off this mortal coil. 

It’s hard not to compare remakes, reboots, and requels to their original source materials – but I’ve never read the Stephen King short story the original Children of the Corn is based on (and I know most of its fans haven’t either). The original movie, however, has a special place in my heart as it was one of the few movies to both inspire me (not in that way) and scare the shit out of me as a child. 

Children of the Corn (2023) seemed doomed from the start. Rumors circulated that it was a prequel or that it would ignore the existence of He Who Walks Behind the Rows (thankfully, they didn’t). Worst of all, they filmed during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Still the movie was completed and had a small theatrical release in 2020, opening in two Florida theaters. Then it sort of just fizzled out, only occasionally popping up in pop culture news articles shared via a pre-Elon Musk Twitter and Facebook. 

It wasn’t until early this year when I learned the movie would stream on Shudder at some point. 

Okay, Let’s Really Talk About It:

It’s no surprise that I didn’t like the movie. Not even a little bit. From the 93-minute runtime, I couldn’t find one thing that I can say made the story worth watching. The characters are two-dimensional and unlikable. The adults – even the “good ones” – are either too milquetoast or obviously voted for Trump twice; either way, early on, you’ll be rooting for the parricide that will eventually take place.

We’re given a prologue opener, as we’re introduced to Eden – who plays the Isaac character. Unlike her cult-leader predecessor, there isn’t a menacing vibe to her. Not that Kate Moyer, who portrayed the character, didn’t try. There’s just something missing in the way she was written. 

The opener makes it seem like there was more to the corn fields than just pesticides and harmful chemicals, but it’s dropped as soon as we meet Boylen – played by Elena Kampouris. As she walks through the cornfield with her brother, she mentions that some of the chemicals can cause hallucinations. This is the first moment we catch a glimpse of He Who Walks Behind the Rows. Except, do we? 

The story seems to focus on the extreme environmentalist cult angle for a good chunk of the movie, leaving you to wonder if He Who Walks Behind the Rows is a mass hallucination brought on by the chemicals that killed the corn crop. When he does show up, you’re too distracted by the poor CGI quality of the monster. (Imagine Groot from the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, but made of corn and shitty.) 

There was a lot going on in the story, but little of it was worthwhile. Was this due to reshoots after a poor reception the first time around? Was He Who Walks Behind the Rows meant to appear? Who knows. One thing is certain, however. Maybe it’s time we leave this franchise alone. 

Afterthought:

I think we all agree that foreshadowing should be subtle rather than obvious. The only thing this movie’s obvious foreshadowing lacked was a big neon sign pointing at the car with the gas leak.