Don’t you just hate it when someone on the Internet feels the need to compare a movie to the book it’s adapted from? It bugs the piss out of me, right? It’s so annoying? I am so glad we’re in agreement, because last month, I decided to hunker down and watch one romcom flick a day for all twenty-nine of them (thank you leap year!). One of those movies was The Map to Tiny Perfect Things. Of course, when I learned the movie was based on a short story by Lev Grossman (who also wrote the screenplay), I had to read it.
Part of me wanted to compare the two versions of the story, but I did it in the wrong order. Most pretentious, the-book-was-better people always read the story first. It wasn’t until I was half way through the movie that I questioned if it was adapted from something. It had all the markers of a young adult novel.
So…What’s It About?
Mark finds himself trapped in a time loop, reliving August 4th over and over. The world resets itself each morning and everyone follows the same script unless he interacts with them. What’s worse is that he’s going through it alone. That is until he sees Margaret, an outlier just like him. Together they set off to make the most of August 4th, finding every magical moment and mapping them out until they find a way to break free.
Independence Day will always have a special place in my heart. Not only was it the first movie I saw with my best friend, Meester Binx, but it was the first movie we were allowed to see on our own (for a short period, anyway). When its sequel came out in 2016, both he and I rushed to watch the midnight showing (though, it was more like the 11 pm showing because time is relative and an illusion we made up in order to process the world around us).
Still, I enjoyed the movie. I’m probably in the minority that hopes that Disney/20th Century Studios greenlights the third movie, creating the epic final battle in space that Resurgence promised us.
You can always tell what goes into a movie when watching it. The first movie had heart – sure, no movie is ever written without the hopes of it becoming a major blockbuster, but that takes the passenger seat here. Writers Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich (who also directed the movie) focused on the story they wanted to tell. Whereas Resurgence suffered from too many cooks in the kitchen.
Despite the novels and comic books it spawned, Independence Day wasn’t written with a franchise in mind. When the credits rolled, we weren’t gifted with an end credit scene setting up what to expect next.*
Resurgence, on the other hand, suffered from a Batman & Robin production, where it became how much more money they could milk out a franchise than the story itself. It was meant to sell productions, build a cinematic universe, and be more than just the story that we fondly remember through the veil of nostalgia.
What it got right, however, is how it showed where we went as a society after an alien invasion. How the alien tech – which they couldn’t understand in all the years since Roswell – was reverse engineered to push their technology further into the future.
David Levinson (Jeff Goldblum) and former U.S. president Thomas Whitmore (Bill Pullman) make a shocking discovery. Photo Credit: Claudette Barius.
*Not that I have a problem with these types of films. I love and enjoy the Marvel Cinematic Universe, even the duds. But comic book films acting like their source material is something that I longed to see as a child. Not to mention how much I love the Fast & the Furious movies more than I should.
Director: Kurt Wimmer Writer(s): Kurt Wimmer Starring: Elena Kampouris, Kate Moyer, Callan Mulvey, Jayden McGinlay, Joe Klocek, Orlando Schwerdt and Rory Potter Production: ANVL Entertainment, Angel Oak Films (in association with), Cinemation Studios (financing), Digital Riot Media and Impala Distribution: RLJE Films and Shudder Release Date: March 21, 20223 Runtime: 93 minutes Rated: R
What It’s About:
A psychopathic twelve-year-old girl in a small town in Nebraska recruits all the other children and goes on a bloody rampage, killing the corrupt adults and anyone else who opposes her. A bright high schooler who won’t go along with the plan is the town’s only hope of survival. (Letterboxd)
ANVL Entertainment
Let’s Talk About It:
Someone get Greta Thunberg out of the corn, please. Not that I’m not all for mother nature, protecting the planet, and voting out the ignoramuses (ignorami?) who continually vote in favor of profit over the planet, I don’t need an in-your-face horror movie about it. Especially one that is poorly executed and shines a negative light on the youth who want to actually inherit a planet when their grandparents finally shuffle off this mortal coil.
It’s hard not to compare remakes, reboots, and requels to their original source materials – but I’ve never read the Stephen King short story the original Children of the Corn is based on (and I know most of its fans haven’t either). The original movie, however, has a special place in my heart as it was one of the few movies to both inspire me (not in that way) and scare the shit out of me as a child.
Children of the Corn (2023) seemed doomed from the start. Rumors circulated that it was a prequel or that it would ignore the existence of He Who Walks Behind the Rows (thankfully, they didn’t). Worst of all, they filmed during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Still the movie was completed and had a small theatrical release in 2020, opening in two Florida theaters. Then it sort of just fizzled out, only occasionally popping up in pop culture news articles shared via a pre-Elon Musk Twitter and Facebook.
It wasn’t until early this year when I learned the movie would stream on Shudder at some point.
ANVL Entertainment
Okay, Let’s Really Talk About It:
It’s no surprise that I didn’t like the movie. Not even a little bit. From the 93-minute runtime, I couldn’t find one thing that I can say made the story worth watching. The characters are two-dimensional and unlikable. The adults – even the “good ones” – are either too milquetoast or obviously voted for Trump twice; either way, early on, you’ll be rooting for the parricide that will eventually take place.
We’re given a prologue opener, as we’re introduced to Eden – who plays the Isaac character. Unlike her cult-leader predecessor, there isn’t a menacing vibe to her. Not that Kate Moyer, who portrayed the character, didn’t try. There’s just something missing in the way she was written.
The opener makes it seem like there was more to the corn fields than just pesticides and harmful chemicals, but it’s dropped as soon as we meet Boylen – played by Elena Kampouris. As she walks through the cornfield with her brother, she mentions that some of the chemicals can cause hallucinations. This is the first moment we catch a glimpse of He Who Walks Behind the Rows. Except, do we?
The story seems to focus on the extreme environmentalist cult angle for a good chunk of the movie, leaving you to wonder if He Who Walks Behind the Rows is a mass hallucination brought on by the chemicals that killed the corn crop. When he does show up, you’re too distracted by the poor CGI quality of the monster. (Imagine Groot from the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, but made of corn and shitty.)
There was a lot going on in the story, but little of it was worthwhile. Was this due to reshoots after a poor reception the first time around? Was He Who Walks Behind the Rows meant to appear? Who knows. One thing is certain, however. Maybe it’s time we leave this franchise alone.
Afterthought:
I think we all agree that foreshadowing should be subtle rather than obvious. The only thing this movie’s obvious foreshadowing lacked was a big neon sign pointing at the car with the gas leak.
Director: Lee Cronin Writer(s): Lee Cronin Starring: Lily Sullivan, Alyssa Sutherland, Gabrielle Echols, Morgan Davies and Nell Fisher Production: New Line Cinema, Renaissance Pictures, Pacific Renaissance, Wild Atlantic Pictures Distribution: Warner Bros. Pictures Release Date: March 15, 2023 (SXSW)/April 21, 2023 Runtime: 97 minutes Rated: R
What’s It’s About:
Three siblings find an ancient vinyl that gives birth to bloodthirsty demons that run amok in a Los Angeles apartment building and thrusts them into a primal battle for survival as they face the most nightmarish version of family imaginable. (Letterboxd)
Let’s Talk About It:
A decade after the first requel, we’re thrust back into the Evil Dead world. And like the 2013 movie, this one also lacks a charismatic lead and the humor that made the original trilogy memorable.
While I do love callbacks, this movie littered them in hopes to capture the attention of older Deadites (is that what we call Evil Dead fans?) as a way to validate its existence. And, at times, it distracts from the story it was trying (and failing) to tell. Easter eggs aren’t supposed to stand out, unless we’ve changed the rules to the egg hunt.
And just like Zoe Lister-Jones did with The Craft: Legacy, Cronin tries to capture the best-ofs that made the first three movies memorable that he forgot about his own story.
Afterthought:
This movie sets up the fact that the Evil Dead trilogy and Evil Dead 2013 take place in this cinematic universe as well. It states that there are three Necronomicons in the world, which was a callback to Army of Darkness. It’s been a long while since I’ve watched that movie, but I was under the impression that two of those books were fake. Am I wrong?
Director: Roxanne Benjamin Writer(s): T.J. Cimfel and David White Starring: Zach Gilford, Alisha Wainwright, Amanda Crew, Carlos Santos, Briella Guiza, and David Mattle. Production: Blumhouse Television & MGM+ Distribution: Paramount Home Entertainment Release Date: January 17, 2023 Runtime: 92 minutes Rated: Not Rated
What It’s About:
Margaret (Wainwright) and Ben (Gilford) take a weekend trip with their longtime friends Ellie (Crew) and Thomas (Santos) and their two children, Lucy (Guiza) and Spencer (Mattle). After discovering a strange structure built into the cave, Ben notices something different with the children that the others don’t. And he suspects there’s something wrong with the children and it’s something supernatural.
From what I understand, the movie started off as a short film (which you may or may not be able to watch here). But, as stories often do, it grew into something bigger, transforming itself into an hour-and-twenty-seven-minute feature length film.
Chapin City Blues 