Oooh Baby baby it’s a wild world

If it’s not self evident by now, I failed at being the romantic guru my sidekick sought in me. Can I be blamed? It’s not entirely my fault. Some people are hopeless romantics, he’s just romantically hopeless. From the moment he opted to text message his would-be paramour, it was apparent. What can I do about this? The question should be, why should i do anything at all?

He’s a Creeper, baby

Alarms should’ve rung – they did, actually – the moment he hinted to kidnapping. Of course, people like me take this in stride – it was a joke, right? Alarms blared when he kept noticing underage girls – though, I wrote this off as his blatant lack of age-dar (like gay-dar, only with age).

Still, he isn’t the most stable person in society. Not that he’s a homicidal rapist – though, I wouldn’t put it pass him – but any man – let’s be politically correct here; he isn’t a boy, he isn’t a guy or a dude, he’s a man – who text messages a ~~girl~~ woman anonymously, isn’t ready for a relationship of any kind. I decided that the only way to help him was to erase his creepy factor. Not working. Plan A – otherwise known as S***** – told him to stop texting her. She later quit.

Plan B

I had (reluctantly) a text message conversation from him earlier:

Him: Ha just for that you gonna help me jack brenda

Me: No idea what you’re going on about. And stop being so creepy, amigo. It ain’t nice.

Him: I want brinda(sic) as my woman

Me: Well I already told you that’s a moot plan. She lives in NY and goes to a rather expensive college.

Him: Ha i wouldn’t mind having alex as my woman do you have her number man s***** realy(sic) killed me in the inside my haert(sic) is falling apart

Me: I don’t have anyone’s number as I don’t talk to them.

On several occasions, I’ve hit him for even glancing at Brenda’s direction. And while Brenda is no Ada – something I’ll probably touch on another day – I realized I’m overtly protective of her (it could be because she’s a friend’s niece, or – more likely – because she seems headstrong on her education).

Conquer

When this charade of being a guru came about, the first rule I told him was never consider winning a girl over as conquering. That didn’t seem to stick. Apparently, if he cannot conquer, he’ll resort to “jacking.” It’s as if women are nothing but possessions to him. And it’s quite disturbing.

So I’m at a loss here. I’m gonna have to toss him aside. I can’t afford to be considered this guy’s friend. Especially his idea of romance includes felony.

Too tired to type

At this rate, I don’t think I even want to fathom the idea of setting him up with someone I know. More specifically, I’m going to keep vigilance over Brenda until her time with us at the stadium is over.