Doldrums

“…holding hands with Eloise…”

And I can’t compete with all you talk about,
You’re so informed.
Yet, you talk like a lout, you say
Yo la Tengo like you’re selling perfume
Like a brand new scent for modern men
Invented by cartoons.

Why must I be the pessimistic romantic? I see the end of a relationship before it starts. Lately, I’ve listened to sad music. Longing for something that I know is not out there. At least, not for me.

Started thinking about mix tapes after reading Eleanor & Park. I miss making playlists for other people to enjoy. There was a time when I shared music that I liked with people who I liked. Now, it’s just in ear buds, shared with none.

Sometimes, I want to talk a girl and lose myself in her words. And I want to say smart things while talking to her. And I want to cut myself straight down the middle to see if there’s anything still working in there.

Started talking to Grace about someone. Mentioned I displaced my emotions. Sometimes, I’m sure that I do this on purpose. That I want to hurt others to not feel a single thing.

Should really take Miranda on her offer.

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