I used to hang on every word
Each lie was more absurd
Kept me so insecure
But now that’s over

She taught me how to trust
And to believe in us
And then she taught me how to cuss… that bitch!
It’s over

I recruited Ashton, my hipsis (despite the way it sounds, that isn’t some sort of venereal disease, but a combination of hipster and sister), in my creative writing endeavor. An extra layer for what I’m planning on (a thought occurred to me when we chatted via text message earlier). So far, there are two people who know what I’m working on. That’s Ashton and Angela (their alliteration is purely coincidental).

Yesterday, I started working on myself. My body, that is. How many times have I stated this in the past? A few months ago (yeah, months), I downloaded an app called Zombies 5K, a lite version (it seems) of the more popular Zombies, Run. Finally, someone made a fitness app for people like me.

It’s not just the exercising. It’s everything. For too long I spent my life feeling like I’m not good enough. And after years of having to alter my appearance, my mindset, feelings, thoughts, personality (and we’re not just talking about one person here), I realized that I no longer know who I am. Cliche, I know. But that’s just it. Somewhere along the way to this, I took a path of indifference towards me.

And I know that’s adolescent of me to even think like that, but fuck it. I’m listening to a boy band disguised with instruments, how much less adult can I act now? Well, I guess it’s possible to act less mature. I mean, Avril Lavigne, who’s two years my junior, still sings like she did when she first hit the scene. But that’s beside the point.

I need to love me before I dupe someone into loving me again. That’s how the saying goes, right?

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