I refuse to remain in regrets To pander like a slave to your wants No contrition from me will you get No submission to dilettantes (No) I’ve existed too long in secrets I have lived like a man confined Epicene and elaborate Fatalistic and resigned (No) A momentary lapse of the ground I gained the …
From the pages of Thought Processing (my handwritten journal):
Purchase a copy of Yes Please by Amy Poehler and highlight the shit out of that book.
Screw the partnership. Start writing posts for the books we carry and hopefully others will follow. Maybe ask local writer friends to write a post about their favorite book (the one that said this is it. I’m a writer/reader/book lover). (Michael Jones, Richard Sanchez, Anne Estevis, etc.)
Start working on “Stories for Shaun” in lieu of “Letters to Shaun.” Regular WordPress blog?
What’s phase 3? More about life and writing? More books? More posts about being a father? Bug Ashton about new banner.
Write. Write. Write. Never stop writing.
Possible post titles:
1. Lessons in Letting Go
2. Letter to Jeanna—”The Greatest Bastard” Damien Rice.
Stop being so afraid of moving forward, goddamnit!
Find “gift of fear.”
“They are not long, the weeping + the laughter.”
There are shards of memories I want to share with you. Maybe to put together, or maybe to bury. Truth is, I don’t know what I want to do with them. The only thing we can be certain of is that these pieces aren’t meant to hollow a path to return to us. They aren’t bread crumbs from a crumbling romance grown stale and moldy. They’re simply shards of memories. A declaration. A proclamation. Just reminders that it was never in my intention to let you down.
Sometimes I forget [illegible] There are times when you don’t get a rejection. Sometimes this [illegible] rejectionlessness eats you up more than a no would. You begin to feel that you are so unworthy of anything
There are times when you don’t get a rejection. And, at times, this may seem worse than if she had just said no.
A part of you There’s nothing you can do about this one. Asking again is just a set up [for] ridicule. If you were clear of your intentions the first time, a second time will not garner you an answer. Never expose yourself to the world [illegible] Several people will say personality trumps everything else. However, I’ve noticed the vanity of those around on a day to day basis. This is not to deter you from trying to meet someone who is “out of your league.” There are no leagues. Just shallow and the deep. Shallow people are the here and now. They say things like, “Can you blame me for They create superficial high standards. They care only about chiseled features or unnaturally large tits. They worship cosmetics like a Christian Catholic on Easter Sunday.
I wonder when I grow old, my face will remain scowled. As if my expectations of the world have left me perpetually disappointed.